Let’s talk about sex, when you are Disabled

With research suggesting there are nearly 14 million disabled people in the UK, it is hoped that a new book, “Sex.. with these hips?!”, by Xandra Lee, will be embraced with open arms by many. 

Xandra was born with the life challenging condition, hip dysplasia (Developmental Dysplasia of the Hips) and during her teens and twenties, a continuing cycle of pain, medication, mood swings and loss of mobility, not only lead to depression and anxiety, but affected her intimate relationships too. 

It was only when she founded her website, Living with Hip Dysplasia, and Facebook support group, that she realised she wasn’t alone and “Sex.. with these hips?!” was written.  With input from over 100 other ‘hippies’, illustrated positions and ‘sexercises’ created by an HCPC registered Physiotherapist, the book covers everything from dating, sex and relationships. It is hoped that the content will offer comfort to not only those living with this condition, but people suffering from any physical disability but still wanting to have sexual relations.

Endorsed by Orthopaedic Surgeon and specialist in young adult hip disorders, Nigel Kiely, and with a foreword written by international sex and relationships expert, Tracey Cox, the book acknowledges that while starting, and maintaining a relationship can be tricky for anyone, a disability can complicate matters further on an emotional, psychological and physical level, which means some people don’t bother with it at all. 

Xandra, says, “Let’s face it, everyone wants to love and to be loved, and disabled people are no different. To feel wanted, adored, lusted after and sexy is natural, but when your hips, or any part of your body for that matter, don’t want to play ball, it can lead to confusion, awkwardness and judgement. I hope that this book will help others dealing with DDH, or any disability, to see that they can have a normal, satisfying sex life and that there is a way to find pleasure, even when faced with physical adversity.”

She adds, “A Living with Hip Dysplasia survey of 104 people, revealed that 73% percent of those who had hip surgery received no support whatsoever when it came to returning to sexual activity, and that just isn’t on. By talking about sex and disability and getting these messages out there, things will change and it will start to become the norm, not the taboo subject I believe it still is.”

Tracey Cox, further comments, “Navigating sex is hard enough in a relationship where both of you have working parts, let alone when dealing with life affecting health issues. Most doctors and consultants are notoriously awkward at dealing with sex problems and we need to be having open, honest discussions about sex and disability. Xandra’s story opens up that discussion. It’s heartfelt and she has involved many others in the Hippie community to offer unique insight.”

For more information, interviews, images and review copies, contact Natalie Trice at natalietrice.co.uk or on 07825 615303.